You are not your emotions- How to separate the ‘you’ from ‘your experience’
Interesting fact for you – we operate from the subconscious mind over 90% of the time. This means our thoughts and emotions often ‘happen to us’ or ‘influence us’ to act or feel a certain way, without us really knowing why, or without much awareness/consciousness in our behaviour. This can lead to feeling dissatisfied with life and often feeling ‘victim’ to it.
Without looking at or into our beliefs, our behaviour patterns and our sub conscious influences, it can be an enormous & lengthy challenge to create or sustain any change. This can be frustrating. It also can lead us to ‘identify’ with our emotions or experiences, seeing them as part of ourselves and in doing this we ‘forget’ our true nature.
We become what we feel.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will run your life and you will call it fate. ‘Carl Jung’
I’m often asked by clients: How do I even begin to change that pattern? Where do I start? I’m asked this many times in sessions. When we talk through the answer, people often wonder to themselves..and often aloud..surely it can’t be that simple?!
Although it may seem simple, we do as humans tend to like to complicate things, The answer is simple: Love. Love all parts of yourself, even the parts that may be feeling angry, upset or disappointed in yourself. Practice loving the part of you that is ‘feeling things’ and ‘experiencing’ things.
This doesn’t mean you have to love the behaviours…it simply means loving the bits of yourself using those actions as an opportunity to reflect judgement upon yourself. You can still not like the ‘feeling’ or ‘action’.
By doing this you are separating your ‘true’ self from your body. You are creating ‘space’ between you and your emotions, the behaviour, and the ‘illusion’ that is keeping you from you.
This space enables you to make different choices, and in doing so create a different ‘pattern’, ‘thought’ ‘behaviour’.
Most importantly loving the you that is doing the feeling, action etc, enables you to separate yourself from it, and see that you are not your emotions..oh no my awesome friend..you are so much MORE than that!!!
An example. A client who identified with not liking herself much, had a pattern of overthinking things, replaying conversations and situations, and berating herself over what she said or didn’t say until it started sending her nuts. Most of the ‘self talk’ remained unconscious and she was only aware of feeling ‘sick’ about situations and that she didn’t feel good enough, that others were better than her, and she had times where she identified hating herself. She had begun to withdraw from social situations and subconsciously began to feel angry at others for ‘making her feel stupid’ and ‘like they were better than her. Ironically a big part of her craved connection and so felt lonely and isolated.
Once we’d had a chance to chat and identify the ‘sub conscious thoughts and chatter she was keen to take responsibility and really wanted to make a change. She immediately felt guilty over the pattern and judged herself again for being so ‘stupid’.
Often this self talk can be a trickster and once it’s identified it knows it’s on the way out so it simply applies itself to other sitatuations!!!
To help create space…and isolate the cheeky thoughts and beliefs monkey…and therefore choose a different thought and behaviour, we had to start loving the one thinking it. In this clients case for example, “I love the one who wants to judge myself as having done something wrong”. We can take this one step at a time. Starting as simply in this case as “I love the one who wants to analyse my conversations” might eventually create enough space between the pattern to lead to “I love the one who’s scared of rejection”. Thus getting to the cause. This may take some practice but the shift it will create is well worth it!
Eventually we can see that actually the awesome soul underneath the thoughts, patterns etc has actually always been awesome, it has just been temporarily forgotten!
So my awesome friends…time to go and honour your courage and all round levels of awesomeness!!
Big love from me x